The COVID-19 pandemic has been a prolonged and stressful experience for many Canadians.  Throughout the pandemic, researchers have been surveying and tracking the mental health of Canadians to determine how citizens are coping with the changes brought about by the pandemic. Statistics Canada, which has been tracking the well-being of Canadians over time, noted in March 2022 that “Mental health declines have not recovered to pre-pandemic levels. As of June 2021, 61 per cent of Canadians reported very good or excellent mental health, compared with 67 per cent in 2019.”  Statistics Canada also reported that women, LGBTQ2S+ people, Indigenous people, people aged 18 to 65 and those who lost employment, reported less positive mental health than other groups.   

While this information is sobering, it has spurred a significant discussion about mental health in Canada and the need for greater public support for those who suffer from mental challenges.  

As we head into summer holidays, the changed schedule for parents and children can be a great source of celebration and opportunity to engage in new patterns of life for a short time, but it can also present great stress because life is less predictable and structured. How then do we build resilience into an already packed life? Part of the solution is to understand what is meant by terms like emotional labour and burnout. 

In her ground-breaking 1979 article “Emotion Work, Feeling Rules, and Social Structure,” American researcher Arlie Hochschild asserted that "emotion work" refers more broadly to the act of evoking or shaping, as well as suppressing, feeling in oneself.” Hochschild recognized that humans live as members of communities and therefore the expression of one’s emotions is bounded by the expectations and rules of that community.   

Emotional labour can be a phenomenon that protects mental health, but it can also have negative impacts on mental health. For example, if parents and children are enjoying a favourite activity and everything is going well, a sense of joyfulness and belonging can be the result — in this case what a parent feels during the activity is consistent with what they can demonstrate during the activity.  Hochschild called the alignment of one’s inner emotional world with one’s outer expression of emotions “deep acting.”  

On the other hand, if a parent is frustrated and angry during a family activity, it may not be possible to show the extent of their emotions in that context —in some ways the parent has to put on a “mask” to present their feelings in a controlled, socially acceptable fashion to their children. This is what Hochschild called “surface acting,” which can be a source of stress that, if not resolved, can lead to burnout.   

Researchers have linked emotional labour, prolonged stress and negative health outcomes in the workplace, but less is known about how emotional labour impacts parents. Psychology Today Canada explained that “Jobs aren’t the only source of the chronic stress that causes burnout. Parents, partners and non-professional caregivers can also experience endless exhaustion, feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities, or secretly believe that they have failed at their role. These forms of burnout are referred to as parental burnout, relationship burnout and caregiver burnout respectively.”  

Researchers who study parental burnout, particularly over the course of the COVID-19 pandemic, have noted that “People already experiencing multiple stressors, such as single parents, parents of special needs children, and immigrant parents, may also have a lower threshold for increasing stress because of the ongoing demands of parenting.” In other words, if parents are dealing with stress in several areas of life, they may experience a higher likelihood of burnout.  

Burnout for parents is often experienced in three stages. The first stage is illustrated by extreme emotional and physical exhaustion that can lead to irritability and difficulty with sleep and performing the daily activities of life. The second stage occurs when parents move into a self-protective mode by distancing “themselves from their kids to preserve their energy.”  

The third stage of parental burnout is characterized by a deep sense of failure as a parent accompanied by a lack of fulfillment in the act of parenting. These three stages build upon each other and compound in their expression and may require expert assistance from psychologists, counsellors and/or medical doctors.   

The saying “it takes a community to raise a child” is currently very relevant. COVID-19 disrupted our social networks and the supports that many parents relied on prior to the pandemic. This has resulted in increased pressure and stress on parents and families. It’s important to recognize the emotional labour put forward by parents and guardians during this time may carry health costs, including increased risk of burnout. 

So how can parents deal with burnout?   

The American Psychological Association recommends that parents who may be experiencing psychological distress, including burnout, talk about their experiences so that they can acknowledge their sources of stress and find ways to re-frame how they think about their challenges. In addition, the APA recommends that parents find ways to take micro-breaks, practice self compassion, find activities that are meaningful to them, such as a walk in the park or watching a favourite show, and consider ways they can grow their parenting tool chest including reading articles or seeking out professional help or counselling.   

Parenting is incredibly challenging, and it is easy to feel like you are not doing enough as a parent. It is important to remind yourself that you are human and deserving of support in this important role and that you do not have to be perfect.